worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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