guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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