I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
