when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
