He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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