Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
