Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sext me about skeletons
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
