Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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