so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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