Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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