I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
