I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Bring me that man meat
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
