This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
