a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
