I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
