I just saw a hot homeless man
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
they need to just BURY HIM!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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