i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
