Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
