You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
