ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
