God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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