Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
