We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
