she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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