You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
