it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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