You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
