So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
