You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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