every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
