i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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