Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
