oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
