Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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