Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
