i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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