This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
