this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
