Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
