dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
