I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
