The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
