for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize