I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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