I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
