Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
