Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
