There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
