i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
