you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize