Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
whose parrot is this?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
